There is an old adage that says “It takes a village to raise a child”. I believe this to be true so again I beg the question, “What happened to the village?” Has it deteriorated under the influence of technology? Did it happen long before modern technology consumed our lives? Did it disappear when one by one we decided that everyone needs to mind their own business? Perhaps it slowly disappeared under the environmental cues that told us our neighbors were not to be trusted? There are many options to be discussed to get to the bottom of this but the most important issue is coming to a consensus on the correct paths to strengthen our communities.

We have all heard the old stories either directly from or passed down from our grandparents or great-grandparents about how tough life was for them. Some picked cotton, some grew up on farms or in cities, etc. Either way, there was some type of struggle and the toys were definitely nowhere near as interesting and widely available as what is available today. There was a strong work ethic. Everyone had a role to play in the family, in school or whichever endeavors they may have encountered AND everyone was expected to not only do their part, but go above and beyond. More importantly, there was respect. Respect for elders, respect for peers, respect for authority and last but definitely not least, respect for oneself.

Neighbors would step in if your child did something they should not do. Neighbors meant more than the people you may or may not wave to in passing. Neighbors were more like a friend or trusted associate if not more. During good times and bad times, neighbors could be depended on for support. It is not a new concept. Over 2000 years ago it was written as a commandment in a book (the Bible, which also happens to be the BEST selling book of all time)  many of us live by “Love thy neighbor as much as thyself”. But this second commandment which is scribed as just as important as the first has been elusive to us.   It brings me to the Black Eyed Peas, “Where is the Love?”

I don’t need to contrast this with problems facing our communities as we well live them but let me ask you, when was the last time you invited your neighbor over to dinner or vice versa? Many of us may feel that we have nothing in common with our neighbors or that we do not have enough time to socialize with them.  Is there no understanding that these neighbors may have eyes and ears where you do not have them? Perhaps their children will be a signal to you about what is going on outside of your home that you did not pick up on from your own child? Yes, we all want to think that there is often a completely open line of communication with our children or the other adults they deal with on a daily basis, but oftentimes the lines are not as open as we would like to think they are and we find out about it too late. On the other hand, your child may be an indicator of what is going on around you and another family may be unaware of it for various reasons. It is common knowledge that is is often not what you know but who you know in this world that can lighten your load, or open doors of opportunity for you. Would you say that neither of these reasons, amongst others, are of enough value to you that you can not extend your hand over your white picket fence to your neighbor (that is to say that your life is so perfect that you are living the American Dream to the fullest) and spark up a conversation, invite them into your home or into your life and begin to share information? You never know, you just may find that job perfect for you or a loved one, an opportunity for you to help greatly impact the life of someone in a way you never imagined or even better, a friend.

Moving to the “burbs” is the modern version of getting a brand new Cadillac, it is your gesture to the world that you have arrived.  It is the ultimate goal in our community. I’m not making this up, just turn on your news, read your newspaper or better yet, even Google it. You will find many stories of inner-city parents cutting corners and breaking laws to get their children into suburban schools. While their reasoning is understandable their actions are wrong, the issue of whether or not they have done anything to improve the lot of their children is questionable.  For those who decide to use appropriate methods to live in the ‘burbs and get their children into those better school districts, the road does not end at closing on that new home or signing the lease at that new apartment.

So, what to do once the family has moved into the ‘burbs? Generally speaking the culture of the people in this area is likely to be different than that of the family moving in. We all know of or have heard a good part of the differences between many suburban and urban families. Some of these differences are necessary to ensure the success of the child. It is more involved than dropping your child off at the nearest school then returning to your typical routine. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.

More involvement in the child’s education is required. It does not mean that everyone must join the P.T.A, throw bake sales or attend every athletic or academic extracurricular event in order for their children to become successful. However, parental support helps the children become more likely to succeed. There are a different set of values and different expectations required to be successful.  Kesha Smith can move into the Hamptons because she won the Megamillions lottory but if Kesha does not know how to manage her money and is unable to adapt certain values or behaviors that will enable her to maintain her new lifestyle she will lose it.

The same applies to children’s education. It requires more than a change of address and school in order to raise successful children. Are they seeing first hand the results of hard work, persistence and follow through? Have they learned the value of the effort they put into something directly relates to the results they receive? It doesn’t stop there. More parenting needs to take place.  The parents have the responsibility of making sure that their children make use of the resources that are available to them. They also need to spend more time looking for resources that their children may benefit from whether it is a tutor, a scholarship or various programs that help the student excel in life skills and experiences.

If the parents do not lead the children in result oriented changes, then they will likely not improve their chances of success by much unless the child was already a student likely to achieve those results prior to the relocation.

Can you think of three positive black female role models who are living and not in the business of entertainment?

The last post sent my mind flying on a tangent. We spend so much time discussing the lack of male figures in the black community and the effects of it that we don’t discuss appropriate black female role models for our girls. Who is teaching them how to be women? Who is instilling appropriate values in them? Who is teaching them about self respect, self love, the value of their body? Who is teaching them that there is more to life than becoming somebody’s baby mama or the concubine of the government? Certainly not the family members who are just perpetuating the cycle of poverty. Can a young black girl look out and see themselves in a positive manner, as a successful woman, as a lady?

It’s not only important for girls, it is important for the boys. They need to see functioning and healthy relationships between men and women. They need to know how to treat women and understand that everyone plays a role in a successful family unit as well as a successful community.

The old arguments about entertainers in the media hold true, there are some positive images but not enough. Even if there were, we have to get away from the idea that if our children want to be successful they need to become some type of entertainer.  If we step outside of that idea, we still have a lot of work to do. We have the obvious, First Lady Michele Obama, Condoleeza Rice, and perhaps if you are from the Rochester area or are well versed in business you would recognize Ursula Burns (CEO of Xerox), among others. While it is great that these women are around their success should be viewed as nothing more than another way to view life. Let’s step back and say that we should not allow a stranger made visible via media to assume the responsibility of being the role model for our children. In every community there are entrepreneurs and positive role models, but how many of them are easily accessible by the girls in our communities? The goal of these questions is not to say that there aren’t any role models for our girls in our own community, it is to ask where are they, it is to demand that they do more in the community, become the norm rather than an anomaly.

The effects of a lack of female role models in the black community are just as harmful if not worse than the effects of a lack of men in the homes. Where men fail, women have to pick up and try to make things run as smoothly as possible. They have fewer tools to attempt to teach children the same things. If these women do not know how to be women, mothers, sisters, wives, friends and educators, what could they possibly teach our children who hold the future in their hands?

This is more of an observation than anything. We need more black women to step up and teach our girls how to be women, sisters, wives, mothers, friends and educators so that they can pass their knowledge down to the next generation. In an attempt to rebuild our community we must focus on educating our youth more than just academically but teach them their roles as men and women in their own communities and homes. In an effort to accomplish this, it is important to find male role models, but it is imperative that we do not forget about women.

There is a new trend in our community. It is quietly making its way around our neighborhoods, schools, places of worship, any of the places you at one point thought you and your family were safe. It’s a silent cancer,  you walk past it everyday, you drive past it everyday and never give a second thought to it, yet every day it greedily grows on the life of the community.  It has hit your neighborhood hard and you may only hear of a single incident nearby but the full story is not known.  The headline read “Calling all hustlers: Are you ready for a more lucrative yet less risky hustle?

Drug dealers trade in their low profit, high risk hustle for a highly lucrative and slap on the wrist type of hustle. I’m sure you’re interested in the exact hustle by now, it is human trafficking and the targets are young black girls. It’s more lucrative because as we have learned most drug dealers struggle to break even after taking care of costs. As a pimp, 2 girls make $600 per day from two clients each, multiply that by 30 and that is a monthly income of $18,000. Unlike the situation with drugs, a pimp does not run out of “product” that needs to be replenished in order to start over. They will use these girls’ bodies until it is impossible to get anymore use from them.

Despite what you may imagine or what you have seen in the movies, it is a new type of trafficking in our community. This story is unlike stories told of young Asian or Hispanic girls who are in the US illegally, being kept locked in unsanitary conditions in a house down the street from someone you know while they are abused. It is unlike the story that we are all familiar with of the young girl turned prostitute who now stands on high traffic corners terribly or barely dressed, waiting for the next John to come through. The story is that of a young girl who was put out by a family member as a means to make money for the family. Others, at some point either ran away,were kidnapped  or simply recruited and were taken advantage of by a pimp.  He’s not just any pimp. He is likely a pimp who is aware of the greater benefits of this business than that of the drug trade.

Human trafficking is not only a black issue, however the numbers prove that it is more of a problem in the black community. I found an article that states the reasons as law enforcement seeing it as an international problem meaning spending less time looking for it in our own country as well as a  lack of attention by law enforcement and media to black girls. Think about it, when was the last time you saw an Amber Alert or a national search for a missing black child?

“According to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC), nearly 800,000 children under the age of 18 are reported missing each year in the United States. Of that number, 33 percent are African-American. Even more frighteningly, in 2008, half of reported missing children in New York City were black, 60 percent of missing black children were female, and most of the girls were between 13 and 15. ” (Black Girls are Still Enslaved)

Despite the reasons behind the trafficking, whether it is economic, ignorance, lack of foresight, the problem remains, the young girls in our community are suffering an often ignored plight.

I found this to be alarming not only because of the nature of it but because so many young girls fall victim to this because of pure low self-esteem or wanting to be a part of something. Our young girls need to be educated about the beauty in them and given love, morals and self esteem

I found this video of a young girl dancing to Ciara’s song “Ride” on someone’s blog. They wanted to credit hip hop for children behaving this way. I have to say that I disagree with the notion that we can blame a genre of music (perhaps even a culture of music) for the way our children behave. It starts in the home. It starts with the parents.

Parents are the first teachers of their children. Not the teachers in the schools or day cares, not the neighbors, and definitely not celebrities. It is a given that with the media, it is impossible for children to not be influenced by what they see. This little girl could not be doing these dances if she had not first viewed them. The first influence she had was in her home, where her parents have the final say in what is acceptable. Children pick up on environmental queues. They are subconsciously aware of what is acceptable or not based on what they learn in their home. If they were not exposed to this behavior, they could not imitate it. If you watch the video closely,she is attempting to imitate the dances as they are being performed in the music video. Toward the end the baby begins dancing. So not only is the baby learning to behave provocatively before she can properly run, but these little girls are already being guided into a world where black women are sex objects, which is a completely different post.
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Studies prove that in the US,  black women make up appx. 12.3% of the population (less than other races) yet account for about 30% of abortions. (abort73)  If 50% of black babies are aborted and of those that make it about 70% will grow up in single family homes, we are greatly seeing a lack of investment in our future. We are killing our children and because our future depends on them, we are destroying that also. It is more than making irresponsible choices, it is feeling that this choice to terminate a pregnancy is a solution to any problems that may arise if the option to terminate is not there. It is also our ability to access facilities where abortions are performed. Although Planned Parenthood provides services other than abortion for low to no income individuals, a large part of their branding is the abortions. These facilities are located within reach of this low income population, which happens to consist largely of minorities.

When the Nazi Regime was focused on “judenrein”, when attention was finally brought on the crisis in Chad and Darfur, people looked and decided it was not acceptable. Yet here in our very own country, we see mass murder of black babies in large proportions and not only is this behavior acceptable it is encouraged. Termination of our future is in no way acceptable, it is a problem and I’m willing to go so far as to say it is a plague on our community. Why are we so willing to destroy our future before it begins? Why are we willing participants in our own genocide? I am not condoning genocide in any way nor am I saying that one is better or worse than another but what I am saying is how is it that there is effort to cease genocide amongst other people yet an effort to encourage it within our own community?

It boils down to personal responsibility. Abortion has become a form of birth control. It is not frowned upon as it should be and society offers no sanctions for using abortion as a ends to a careless action by two people. A “mistake” should not end in the murder of a child. This article forced me to think even further to the notion of modern day genocide here in the United States against minorities. The increased number of black on black homicide by young black men. This number is alarmingly high and rising. I feel as though a different warfare has been waged against the minorities. Although genocide by definition may be a harsh word to use here the end results are the same. The aim is to get rid of a race. Now since racism is widely frowned upon this war has been waged on a new front. Social classes are now the new racism. It is the haves against the have-nots. It happens to be that the majority of the have-nots are minorities and to give the illusion that this is not about race everyone else is a casualty of war.

Interview Here
Bill Cosby interviews Deborah Kenny, founder of Harlem Village Charter school about her views on education and the program that she started. They discuss the disparity between education for students of lower and higher socio-economic status. She has created a program that has been proven to work, so why isn’t this solution being used in more school districts?

The solution is simple, we can not treat teachers as cardboard cut-outs of what a teacher “should be” or how they “should teach” and instead use their own abilities to enhance those of the children. The teacher can not be copied but the concept can. We can erase or at the very least even the gap between the socio-economic statuses by adapting this concept into our schools to help our students perform better academically.

It is not very often that we hear of programs that are successful but it is everyday that we hear of programs that are failing our students. We hear complaints that everyone from the leaders of the school district on down to the parents are the blame for students’ poor performance. Here is an opportunity to improve the educational systems in use now but nobody is jumping on this opportunity.

I am glad that two power houses and well respected entities have picked this up and decided to share this knowledge with so many people in hopes that more school districts will use this concept, that more parents will demand this concept. And one school district at a time, we can begin to level the playing field for our children.

Now that it is a possibility, where are all of the people “demanding” better education for our children?

You’ve heard the expression “It’s your state of mind”. Have you ever asked yourself, “What is my state of mind?” Did you sit and think about how you came to think that way or what things have been effected because of the way you think? Are you optimistic or pessimistic? Do you teach your children that they can be whatever they want to be? Do you live by that mantra yourself? What you believe in is important. Your convictions are the catalyst for all of your actions. It will be embedded into your subconscious and every action you perform will evolve around that. These actions will be what people around you use to come to conclusions about you. They will be how your children view you and what becomes acceptable to them.

I found a theme in a few Def Jam Poetry videos on Youtube about your state of mind. In the first video KRS One speaks about changing the way you view yourself. He says “The rich get richer ’cause they work toward rich, the poor get poorer ’cause their mind can’t switch from the ghetto”. If the poor saw themselves as rich it would cause them to set different goals making them more likely to try and change the cycle that they are used to.

Jill Scott also speaks about your state of mind. A man who believes that he can’t be successful because the world is against him, will not become successful. Every obstacle that he faces will somehow be attributed to some outside factor. He will fail to recognize his shortcomings which leaves him unable to change them. His problems are very real and may cause him to settle for mediocrity or give up altogether. All the while, preaching to whoever will listen, that the world is against him when in all actuality he is unable to see his flaws. His theory does not fall on deaf ears and this concept of the world being against you becomes ingrained even deeper into that community.

Yes, you know that poem that is posted in what seems like the home of every black family you know. Perhaps you’ve seen it so much that it has lost its value, “Oh, ‘Don’t Quit’, nice frame. I wonder if there’s anyone who doesn’t have that poem?” and you continue on your merry way. In memoriam of the beloved poem “Don’t Quit” I am sharing with you someone who has breathed life into the concept.

In the posted video, Eric Thomas, a motivational speaker discusses the drive required to become successful with any endeavor you may take on. He uses great examples to help carry the point home. He begins with an anecdote of a guru teaching a success starved young man that he will become successful when he wants success as much as he wants to breathe. He goes on to point out that people may say they want success but there are other things that they desire more, such as food or sleep. Sometimes, if you want to be successful, you will have to forgo the basic necessities so you don’t miss your window of opportunity for success.

Many times we have a goal that we desire to achieve and we work steadily towards it. Too often, when there are obstacles that get in the way and slow us down or stop us, we quit altogether. Before long we have a litany of goals that we have not achieved. If a goal correlates with improving our quality of life, then it is safe to say that the longer that list of goals unachieved, the poorer our quality of life. Our children pick up on the attempts made and it is embedded in their subconscious. They know that mom started college courses but did not finish with a degree, even if it was because grandmother fell ill and mom had to drop out of school to care for her. They know that dad started a business but it wasn’t profitable so he had to find other work to make the mortgage payments and he didn’t have time properly manage his own business. In there heads there are lists of goals started but never finished for one reason or another. While no one ever says, “I’m going to set goals and never finish them” it is more likely to happen to these children because one thing that is NOT embedded in their subconscious minds is resiliency or determination. The children are in survival mode, just as their parents were. The second video posted is a clip of Eric Thomas speaking about Resiliency. I find these highly motivational and an important part of the values that we should instill within our children at a young age.

Uncle Ruckus of the tv show The Boondocks has serious issues with black people. It’s comedy. And while he may make you laugh with his racist antics, it couldn’t be any more black and white than this, these are REAL problems in our community. I am not talking about black people hating black people, I am referring to the way we are often viewed by society. It may seem extreme but it is true.

Uncle Ruckus uses the “N” word repeatedly in the cartoon and it is not censored. How ever when he uses a derogatory word for a gay man or certain curse words it gets “bleeped” out. In my opinion the “N” word is just as offensive and worst than that, when used in the context in which uncle Ruckus uses it, is oppressive. It lends ammunition to the power of that word that is used to demean black people.

When it is all said and done Uncle Ruckus forces me to look at my people and wonder why and how these point of views could have ever been given birth. For the most part it is mostly “hogwash”. There are some black people that lend credibility to some of these stereotypes with their actions. However, what race doesn’t have people that act ignorant and foolish. As a cartoon character Uncle Ruckus makes me laugh. But he also makes me sick to my stomach with his antics that keep stereotypes alive and fresh in the minds of all the races that watch this cartoon. It just prolongs the fight for racial equality.